The Wholeness of You
by The Amazing Miss M
Summary: They didn't know how to return, couldn't say sorry, and no longer knew each other. But the world wasn't ready to give up on them just yet.
1. Darkest of Places

The Wholeness of You  
Part One: Darkest of Places 

Azkaban prison was a dark place. One of the Aurors shivered as if the building itself could suck out his soul. The others began to shiver as the boat neared the pier. The Dementor guards were gathered there, it was impossible to tell how many of them there were. Indeed it had proved impossible for the Ministry to get a complete count of how many Dementors existed. The ranking Auror had made this run many times before, and every time he dreaded the party waiting at the end of the journey.

The prisoner stared blankly ahead, he had protested his innocence for days. Now, as his future loomed in the distance he appeared to have retreated into himself completely. He seemed resigned to the fact that none of his former friends were going to leap out and rescue him. With the death of the Potters most of those left had gone to ground anyway, and such a high profile Deatheater, one caught red handed in broad daylight, wasn't worth the risk of exposure. Though the Ministry had hoped. They had even publicly declared the date of the transfer to Azkaban, just in the off chance that maybe one or two more might fall into their hands.

The Auror shook his head, the Ministry was governed by fools. The old families were washing their hands of the failures. The reports had shown that the prisoner was disowned by his family years ago. The old families were shaking their heads in disgust, though he was sure it was feigned, and tutting over the disgrace that was made of their 'honored heritage'.

The boat bumped the pier and the youngest Auror quickly tied it to the post. The Dementors parted as the Aurors surrounded the prisoner and hustled him onto land. They converged behind them and enveloped them in a sea of black. The whole group moved up the stairs of the prison and through the halls. The prisoners, aware that the Aurors were there, called out for mercy. The new kid whitened at the pleas for death. The older Aurors merely tightened their lips and refused to meet any eyes. The prisoner stared at his feet, not moving of his own volition.

The Dementors finally stopped at an empty cell and the Aurors pushed the prisoner in. The prisoner fell to the floor, not even looking up when cell door banged shut. The Aurors shrugged at the behavior and began to move away. A hoarse voice stopped them not far along the corridor. "You're making a mistake."

The senior Auror almost smiled at the words, he turned on his heel and regarded the prisoner who was now standing up. "You killed two of your best friends and countless others in your sick little quest. I am only thankful that your master is now dead and gone. None of your friends are coming, your family doesn't want you. You make all of us sick."

"He'll kill him," the prisoner insisted.

"Your Master is _dead_," the Auror stressed. "Now that you are locked up no one is going to be killing anyone for a good long time."

"No, not Voldemort!" the prisoner flung himself at the cell door.

The Auror smiled maliciously, "Voldemort is dead."

"Not Voldemort!" the prisoner cried again. "Not Voldemort! Listen to me!"

The Auror shook his head and turned motioning for the others to follow him. Behind them the Dementors closed in on their newest acquisition. The group shared a smile as they climbed back into their boat. It was days like today that made the whole job worthwhile.

* * *

A solemn gathering was taking place at the wreck of Godric's Hollow. The neighbors had been told that a gas leak had blown the house up. If any of them had been able to see the group now there, they would have died of shock. The exclusive neighborhood surrounding the house was not used to having such ragged people in their area. They all had moved the area to get away from the cities and the normal crowds that lived there. Thus they wouldn't have welcomed such oddities as Remus Lupin and Rubeus Hagrid. They would have tolerated Albus Dumbledore and Minerva McGonagall, though that was merely due to the fact that they both exuded breeding and money, no matter how oddly wrapped the packages came.

It was therefore lucky that the assembled was hidden to the Muggle world by a glamor charm, one that had been put into place when the Potter's had moved there. If any of the neighbors got a burning desire to the see the spot where 'that nice couple' had died, they wouldn't be able to see any more than the still smoking ruins.

"I can't believe it," McGonagall murmured quietly.

"Who can?" Albus asked gently. "None of us ever saw it coming."

"I should have," Remus sniffed. "I knew he was pulling away. We never talked like we used to. I should have seen it."

"Don' be blaming yourself," Hagrid rumbled. "As the professor said, we none of us knew. An' think, I accepted his help a few nights ago. Wha' would have happened if he had wanted 'Arry out of the way too? I could have been..."

Albus handed the larger man a handkerchief as he burst into tears.

"They always seemed inseparable," McGonagall continued, apparently unaware of the other's conversation.

"How long do you think he was a Death Eater?" Remus whispered. "What could I have done to prevent it?"

"Who knows?" Albus asked consolingly.

"I_ should _have known!" Remus gave a short laugh. "What good is being a werewolf if I can't even smell _that_ sort of thing on my...."

"Friend." Albus pulled out another handkerchief and handed it over.

"Could it be that Sirius never forgave..." McGonagall choked off. She waved away the offered handkerchief. "Really Albus, just how many of those do you have?"

"As many as needed my dear," Albus patted her shoulder.

Remus reached down, picked up some soil and let it run through his hand. "I wish I could change it all. I wish I could warn myself not to be taken in."

"There is no spell that can change everything for the better," McGonagall sniffed. "If there was there is so much good that could be done."

"Voldemort is dead," Albus smiled suddenly. "We should do what we came here to do and toast to friends not here. Then we should all return to our lives and not let bygones leave to many tire tracks on our bodies."

McGonagall raised an eyebrow at her employer, "Toast?"

"Yes," Albus beamed. "Hagrid brought some of his very fine home-brew, and the Potter's chimney is still connected to the floo so I can send you all home after you get drunk."

"Albus," McGonagall warned. "I don't intend to get drunk."

Albus's smile never wavered. "Then you can help me send the others home."

Remus sniffed again, and passed the sodden handkerchief he was clutching back to Albus. "Thanks."

"No problem my boy." Albus's eyes softened. "Hagrid?"

The half giant gave a mighty blow into his handkerchief before composing himself and looking at the elder wizard. "Aye?"

"Did you remember to bring the stuff?" Albus asked.

Hagrid's brow creased, then cleared. "Of course I did!" he boomed. "Just a minute and I'll 'ave it for you." He began to empty his pockets onto the ground.

McGonagall reached out and caught a small bird that threatened to fly off while it's erstwhile owner searched for the whiskey.

"Found it," Hagrid declared.

"Good, good." Albus took the large bottle and placed it on the ground. He transfigured four nearby rocks into cups and poured into each one.

"To absent friends." He took one.

The other three echoed him.

"To the Potters." Hagrid said once the cups had been refilled.

"To Peter Pettigrew." Remus said firmly.

"To the end of the Death Eaters." McGonagall shook her head slightly.

"To Tom Riddle and Sirius Black," Albus poured till the cups overflowed. "May we never allow another to follow their path, and may they both find the peace they were seeking."

* * *

End Notes:- Please Review. 


	2. Coldest Hearts

The Wholeness of YouPart Two: Coldest Hearts 

In the time before the Dementors came into being Azkaban hda been guarded by a series of water monsters. It had been treacherous to cross the waters to place the prisoners in their final home, which is why it was eventually decided to give the isle over to the Dementors.

Now it was even more treacherous to visit the place, wizards and witches spoke with fear of the guards. They told their children that the Dementors would come for them if they were bad. Dementors sucked the very being out of a person, and kept it somewhere within their horrible personages.

Night was the worst time to be at Azkaban prison. The powers of the Dementors were added to by the all to human fear of the dark. On all levels the prisoners screamed, those with windows pleaded to the stars above.

_'Full moon,'_ Sirius Black noticed as he turned his gazed at the window. _'Time for frolicking...'_

A icy chill fell over the man as a Dementor stopped by his cell.

"No!" he whimpered at the black figure. "Don't take that memory." He brought his knees up to his chest. _'Remus, James....even Peter...'_

The nights spent with his friends ran through his mind, slipping away like the tide, all fleeing into the place the Dementors kept their charge's good memories. Sirius began rocking in time with his mind's cries. The full moon, Remus, _'alone'. _He stopped rocking in the realization that tonight, for the first time since their Hogwarts days Remus would be alone on the full moon.

Unconsciously he began to shift into his animagus form. At the cell door the Dementor made a sound. The dog quickly shifted off his back and stood facing away from the window. The dog smelled confusion on the being beyond its cell, but wasn't too concerned by the figure. Instead he turned toward the window. _'Remus.'_

* * *

The wolf could smell the humans not to far from him, he lunged at the smell. A burning pain lanced across him as he came into contact with the silver surrounding his position. In the distance he could hear another canine talking to the moon, calling it down to play. _'Pack.'_ His mind produced, the other dog was part of his pack. _'No alpha!'_ he growled, trying to get the other dog to come to him.

"We should put him down," senseless noise filtered through from beyond the silver. "He is even more of a danger now that none of his _keepers_ are here."

"Now, now Severus." The wolf cried again for his packmate, for any packmate. "He is human most of the time. We don't kill senselessly, and neither does he _even_ in his current form."

"No," the wolf bent his head down to the silver circle and whimpered. "However, that won't stop him from killing us because he thinks we're a threat. Lupin is not exactly himself right now."

"Severus!" the wolf howled again, _'where is my pack?'_ "That is uncalled for!"

The wolf paced out the confines of his space. _'My pack. My pack. My pack.'_

The room's two human occupants continued their nonsensical discussion as the wolf watched them warily. He wanted to run again, he wanted to not feel the wrongness around him. Something had happened to his pack, and as the leader he needed to go out and find out what.

* * *

Searing pain brought Remus Lupin abruptly to consciousness. "Silver!" he yelped and pulled his arm to his body.

"Very astute," sneered the other occupant of the room. "It seems like your brain has made it through the night undamaged."

"Severus," Remus sighed.

"Or maybe not," the sneer got more pronounced. "I don't believe I ever gave you permission to call me by my given name."

"You did once," Remus stood up slowly, he wavered and put his hand out for support, only to hiss in pain as he came in contact with the Silver bars. "Will you let me out?"

"I don't know..." Snape raised an eyebrow. "I am fond of having bars between us. That they are silver and therefore poisonous to you only makes my heart grow warmer at the sight."

"Snape?" Remus asked quietly.

"Fine!" Snape snapped. He crossed to the cell and opened it up with a small key. "Now get out of here before I decided to mince you up and use you for experiments."

"Severus!" McGonagall said reprovingly as she entered the room. "There is no call for you to be so unpleasant. You are a guest here in these halls, just like Remus, therefore you will be polite when speaking to him."

Snape gave Remus another sneer before quickly exiting the room.

"Was he here all night?" Remus asked as he took the seat that Snape had vacated.

"Yes," McGongall sighed. "Which is why I don't understand the enmity with which he just treated you."

"It's easy," Remus combed his hair with his fingers. "He wanted to make sure that I didn't get out and hurt anyone."

"Don't be jumping to conclusions." Dumbledore stirred from his chair. "Severus was really concerned."

Remus shook his head. "I'll see you next month?"

"You are always welcome here my boy." Albus smiled. "Anytime, for any reason."

"Thank you," Remus bowed. He gave another bow to McGonagall before stepping over to the floo. "Lupin House."

The fireplace that Remus stepped out of was the most ornate piece in the room. The Lupin family had fallen on hard times a few generations ago and had sold their ancestral home. The story that Remus had always heard was that his great grandmother had absolutely refused to part with the fireplace that had been in the Manor's entrance hall, so the family had moved it with them to their new house.

The new house was a glorified farm house. Slightly more luxurious than the real thing, it had come with a few undevelopable acres, which had made the asking price just within the Lupin's means. Over the years it had fallen into disrepair, but as none of the 'first families' were ever likely to call on a downtrodden former alley it hadn't much mattered.

When Remus's father died during his seventh year Remus had inherited the house, and a huge pile of debts. With help from James and Sirius those debts had been paid. Remus hadn't been able to find steady work yet, but he figured it was only time. After all, who would turn down someone with Albus Dumbledore's patronage, even if that person was a werewolf?

_'Everyone, that's who.'_ Remus thought bitterly. It wasn't Albus's fault at all, it was Sirius's fault. If the two of them hadn't been friends then potential employers wouldn't keep looking at him like he was about to reach across the desk and kill them. _'How many time am I going to have to hear the words, 'We would hire you, but I am not sure the other's would feel safe with a were wolf working here.''_

A large imposing owl stood at attention on the back of one of the kitchen chairs. Remus gave it a brief glance, which unsettled the bird somewhat, before going to the refrigerator and pulling out the sausages he had put there before heading out to Hogwarts.

He placed the meat on a plate and sat down opposite the owl. He took a moment to study the bird, it was primarily black with a few brown feathers. "Upper class bird," he muttered as he began to eat. The bird tilted its head, almost as if it was questioning his statement. "The color of your feathers aren't natural, and the only people with enough money to pay for a charm like that are the upper class," he explained muzzily.

Remus wasn't surprised when the bird's only answer was to stick out it's leg. He untied the letter and placed it next to his plate. The bird stared at him. He sighed, "Let me get something into me. _Then_ I will read through whatever it is that your master wants me to read. How's that?"

The bird gave itself an all over shake but refused to leave the room. Remus rolled his eyes and resumed his breakfast. The bird, discontent with the way it was being treated, hopped over to the chair next to Remus and gave a hoot.

Remus bared his teeth at the bird and snarled, this causing it to rear back. The barely managed to open it's wings and right itself from being sprawled over the dingy kitchen floor. It flew over to the window muttering to itself and shooting Remus looks every so often.

Remus gave a snort as he finally finished off the meat, and levitated the plate to the sink. He looked at the owl consideringly, before picking up the letter. He looked at the directions which were simple enough.

_Remus Lupin_

_Lupin House_

He didn't recognize the handwriting, so it obviously wasn't one of his normal correspondences. The bird gave an annoyed hoot. He shoot it an amused glance, then sobered. _'It is a sad state of things when you find joy in making an animal annoyed my boy.' _He sighed.

He turned the letter over and paused over the seal.

_Tojours Pur_

He stared blankly for a moment, what would the House of Black want with him?

* * *

End Notes:

- Please Review


	3. Highest Regard

The Wholeness of You  
Part Three: Highest Regard 

Three days had passed since the full moon had lite the sky above Azkaban. Since then Sirius had gauged the reactions of his guards to his Animagus form. He found that he was able to maintain his self a lot better if his self was a dog. He remembered McGonagall's warning to his seventh year transfiguration class and tried to be sure of the time spent as animal. _'One of the hardest things about being an Animagus,' _She had said to them, unaware of the secret smile he had shared with his roommates. _'Is that the animal wants to take over. If any of you should go that route and become Animagi you will train under the supervision of an already licensed teacher, such as myself. This teacher will make sure that during the early stages you don't loose yourself in the animal and are able to return to your human form.'_

_'How long would it take to loose yourself?'_ Remus, the voice of reason, had asked.

_'The shortest amount of time was about 24 hrs. Though I have heard of some really strong wizards going for a week at a time before returning.'_ McGonagall told them.

Remus had had a fit later that night. _'What did you three think you were doing? Did you know about the time limits?'_

The other three had just shrugged it off, James had mentioned something right at the beginning but both he and James had thought that the risk to be with Remus was worth it.

_'And it was,'_ Sirius smiled. A rustling coming down the hall told him that his brief happiness had alerted the Dementors. He quickly shifted to dog form, the Dementor passed by his cell and continued, the stink of fear following in it's wake. Sirius shifted back when he smelled the fear coming from a cell far down his hall.

Remus had never seen himself as worth it though, and had urged them to talk to McGonagall about what they should do. It was at the point where Peter was convinced of the plan, and James was coming around to it, that Sirius had stormed out of the room. If they'd told McGonagall about being Animagi then they would have had to tell her _why_ they had done something that illegal. Which would have ended the full moon escapades of their little group. Which was something Sirius had promised he would never have to do again.

_'I hope that Albus is continuing that.'_ Sirius buried his head in his arms. _'I can't bare to think of him alone, he does things to himself when there is no one there to distract the wolf.'_

A loud noise somewhere in the prison was soon followed by shrieks. Sirius curled himself into a tighter ball and tried to ignore the sounds.

* * *

Remus straightened his robes and looked up at the house with apprehension. He still had no idea why the House of Black had called him to their side, but he had tried to dress himself in a state appropriate to _their_ importance.

He climbed the steps, hesitating before touching the door knocker. The knock seemed too loud and he looked around to see if someone else had been disturbed by the noise. The other's on the street passed by No. 12 without even stopping to notice the rather bedraggled wizard standing there.

The door to the house opened, bringing Remus face to face with a house elf. "What are you wanting?" The elf asked belligerently.

Remus wanted to turn around and run as far away as he possibly could. A voice stopped him from this course of action though. _"Gryffindors are brave to the point of foolhardiness, but we always get things done."_

_'To true,' _He thought. _'I need to see this through, no matter how scared I am.'_

"I am Remus Lupin," He told the elf. "I received a summons."

The house elf looked at him doubtfully until he pulled the card he had received out to present. The house elf touched the card as if to verify its authenticity, then he stepped back. "If the master would be following me?"

Remus stepped into the townhouse quickly, hoping that he was doing the right thing. The house elf slammed the door shut causing Remus to jump, a chuckle from the top of the staircase made him aware of the portrait there. The portrait was a woman who bore a striking resemblance to Sirius, her features were slightly more feminine, but that was to be expected.

"Kreacher!" the portrait commanded. "As soon as you are done showing our guest to me, I suggest you come back here for new instructions."

"Of course mistress," the house elf bowed. "Master, this way."

Remus followed him up the stairs and past the portrait. Thanks to his enhanced hearing Remus was able to make out the mutterings of the elf as they walked. "Kreacher to be calling this grubby wizard a _master_," the house elf complained. "This wizard isn't suited to clean the dirtiest rag in the mistress's house."

Remus was more than slightly relieved when Kreacher finally stopped at a door and motioned Remus through it. The woman whose portrait was so prominently displayed in the foyer sat in the flesh in the drawing room. She held out her hand to Remus, and he bowed over it as he remembered being taught.

"Well I can see you aren't completely lacking in manners," Mrs. Black said sharply. "Though one could hardly credit it after the years of your association with my son."

"Ma'am," Remus murmured, unsure of what to say.

"Take a seat." Mrs. Black ordered pointing at the chair across from her. Remus sat down gently, never taking his eyes off Mrs. Black. "I could almost like you," She said looking him over. "If it wasn't for the fact that you aren't human."

A pang shot through Remus, he nearly opened his mouth but decided that angering her wasn't the best course of action.

"I truly feel for your parents," Mrs. Black continued. "To raise a son so well, but to have him suffer the ultimate affliction."

Mrs. Black looked at his face closely. "How close were you to Sirius?"

"We roomed together for seven years," Remus told her. "Though I would never have thought things would end up the way they did."

"You are talking about his betrayal of Potter and his mudblood wife," Mrs. Black stated. "True, I wouldn't have thought it would end up that way either. Obviously I did something right in his training." She paused as if waiting for him to comment, "I am sure that you are wondering why I summoned you."

Remus raised an eyebrow, he wasn't sure that talking was the best idea right now.

"You are to visit my son." Mrs. Black leaned back to see the effects of her announcement.

"With all due respect," Remus nearly surged out of his seat. "I have no desire to ever see that ras clat ever again."

"Be that as it may," Mrs. Black said coldly. "You _are_ going to see him. _You_ are going to go to the ministry, fill out all the paperwork, go out to Azkaban, and have a little chat with Sirius."

"What in the world would ever compel me to do that?" Remus demanded.

"A steady source of income for at least the next six months." Mrs. Black informed him. "You are at the end of your finances. If you don't find a job soon you'll have to sell that ridiculous farm house of your families. Do you want _that_ to happen?"

Remus sat down slowly. "What would this job entail?"

Mrs. Black smiled appreciatively. "It seems that sometimes there _are_ brains in Gryffindor heads." She leaned forward. "The job would be some odds and ends that I need done."

"What would the pay be?" Remus felt like his soul was being sold, but Mrs. Black had been right, he needed a job to be able to afford the house.

"Enough for the maintenance of the house, and a little extra so that you aren't left completely out in the cold when our association stops."

"Why?"

"Because you have some breeding," Mrs. Black acknowledged. "And it would be a shame for the Lupin line to die out, just because you had the misfortune to be bitten. After all, lycanthropy isn't hereditary, so your children won't have it."

Remus blinked.

"So Mr. Lupin," Mrs. Black smiled tightly. "Do we have a bargain? Your continued existence for the delivery of a message to my son."

"Why me?" Remus asked.

Mrs. Black looked startled. "Sirius's other friends are all dead. That _is_ why he is in Azkaban."

"Surely someone else...."

Mrs. Black cut him off. "Anyone visiting Sirius will be labeled a Death Eater. As a werewolf you must already be accustomed to being thought of as evil. Just thing of this as another evil to add to your collection."

Remus looked at Sirius's mother. He would deliver her message, just as she had known he would. He would suffer the consequences as well. There was no choice for him, it had to be this way.

* * *

End Notes:- Please Review 


	4. Deepest Despair

The Wholeness of You  
Part Four: Deepest Despair

Remus sighed in relief as he exited the Ministry. The paperwork to visit the Azkaban Prison was more intrusive than any tax form could ever be. The Ministry had wanted to know his connection to the prisoner, they had wanted a sample of his blood so that they could trace him while at the prison. They wanted him to promise, in the most binding of terms, that all he would do was visit, and talk to Sirius.

Now all that was left was to actually visit Sirius.

He could imagine what Lily and James would say. He shook his head. They wouldn't believe that Sirius was capable of committing such a crime. After all Sirius was their secret keeper, and who did you ask to be a secret keeper but the one whom you trusted the most.

He had been somewhat put out that they hadn't asked him, thought it made some sense. Three nights out of the month he was generally more than willing to rip anyone's throats out, you couldn't trust him then, so why shouldn't that apply to everything else.

_'Damn it all!' _He thought as he stopped by the underground. _'I would have done a better job. I wouldn't have betrayed them! I couldn't have betrayed them. I would have died before doing anything to harm them or Harry!'_

James and Lily were just like the rest of society. They didn't trust a werewolf, not even one that they had grown up with for most of their lives.

Remus re-gathered himself, his papers for the trip to Azkaban said that he should leave as soon as he could. Facing the Dementors when he wasn't in full emotional control wasn't something he wanted to contemplate.

* * *

Sirius was surprised to note more interest in the Dementors today than on any day previously. Instead of merely lurking around and tormenting their prisoners, they almost seemed alert and eager. They were all focused on something that was outside of Azkaban. Sirius briefly wondered if it was a visitor. He had noticed that the first visit by an outsider always caught their attention. They seemed truly in tune with who belonged to them and who didn't. 

His nose caught the sent of a human and he quickly changed back to his own form. It wouldn't do for one of the few humans who set foot in this place to find out what he was. Soon he heard the boot steps approaching, he expected them to continue down the hall, perhaps to stop at Barty Crouch Jr.'s cell as they often did. He didn't expect them to stop at his own cell, or the door to open.

The sight that greeted his eyes almost broke him more than the Dementors ever could. Remus Lupin, the strong werewolf of his memories, stood in rags outside of the cell. He entered and gave Sirius such a disdaining look that Sirius wanted to die.

"Black," Remus spat as soon as the cell door closed behind him. "I come baring a missive from your mother."

Sirius eyed the letter held out to him but didn't touch it. He moved toward his friend, but Remus backed away to avoid his touch.

"Take it," Remus tossed the letter to him, but Sirius still refused to touch it. All he could think about was the werewolf in front of him.

"What happened?" He whispered.

Remus looked startled at the disuse of Sirius's voice. "I don't follow you Black," he shook his head. "And I don't mean too. I am here to deliver the message, and to take a reply to your mother. So please read the damn thing so I can go."

Sirius noted Remus's wandering gaze. He remembered that Dementors effected beings like werewolves much worse than normal humans. The only way he could help his friend here was to cut his visit as short as possible.

Sirius picked up the letter. His name was written out in his mother's strong hand. Shaking he broke the seal and moved the parchment into the light.

_Sirius,_

_ I know that in recent years I haven't been as strong a presence in your life as I could have been. I am not sure where we went wrong in our relationship, was I too indulgent of your adolescent rumblings when I allowed you to run away to that second class family? I can only think that that was the turning point.  
Your betrayal of Potter and his wife shows that even in your disgrace you remembered where your loyalties truly lay. My only sadness is that my influence was too small to keep you from committing the grievous crime of getting caught. I know that this maybe small comfort to you in your Azkaban cell, but I am truly sorry I didn't see your true purpose sooner.  
If only you had confided in me, we could have kept you from this sorry fate.  
You have been reinstated in the family will, and when I die you will inherit the entire estate. Regulus never did have your talents, and I played my cards wrong.  
My son, though you may never leave Azkaban, take heart in the knowledge that you do have family._

_By my hand,  
Arachne Black_

Sirius stared at the letter. He couldn't quite believe what it said, he felt the same hysteria that had held him when Peter 'confronted' him in London coming up. He heard the laugher, the manic sound of his voice, it sounded odd echoing off the walls of this prison. This dark, gray place that was designed to suck the life and joy out of you.

Remus was staring at him. He could feel as well as see the stare, the hard gaze would have knocked him over - if he had been in his right mind he probably would have backed away. However, the death of his friends and his imprisonment in Azkaban had taken it's toll.

"Do you have a reply?" Remus hissed, growing angry at the apparent happiness of the wizard.

"Write." Sirius coughed.

Remus had apparently been expecting this as he quickly brought out a pen and some parchment.

Sirius took the stuff and looked around for a place to write on. His cell contained a blanket, a chamber pot and nothing else. So Sirius sat down against a wall and wrote on his knees. The writing was not pretty, but then did it have to be for his mother?

Remus stood watching him impatiently. The Aurors outside the door were tapping the bars, signaling that his time in Azkaban was nearing it's end.

Sirius quickly finished his letter, in one mindset he was unwilling to let Remus walk out of the cell while Remus still thought him capable of killing James and Lily. In another he was hoping that Remus never came to visit him again. Azkaban was no place for the werewolf, he was too clean, too good to be here.

Remus all but tore the letter from Sirius's hand. "Good Bye Mr. Black." He said with an air of finality.

Sirius wanted to ask so much, but there was one thing he _needed _to know. "Harry."

"Harry is well," Remus said not turning around. "We got him to safety, away from your friends."

The cell closed before Sirius could reply, but he would have been surprised if Remus's sensitive ears hadn't caught his reply. _'Thank God.'_

_

* * *

_ _End Notes:_

_It has been a while hasn't it. How can I truly ask your forgiveness for such a miscalculation. Especially when this meager offering is so short? However it is all I have to offer you on this day. I hope it begins to make up for abandoning my story in such a callous fashion._

_Please Review._


	5. Light Amongst the Clouds

Title: The Wholeness of You  
Part Five: Light Amongst the Clouds

Sirius paced his cell, the Dementors were involved in a new prisoner so he was free to move about in his human form. His mind traveled back to Halloween night. He had been at a party, he wasn't sure for who or what, but there had been alcohol. He hadn't had much to drink, he wanted to fly out to visit Harry and he hadn't thought Lily would approve of him showing up drunk.

It had been on his way there that the attack had occurred. He had seen it happen in the distance, light where there should have been none. Landing at the ruins of Godric's Hollow had been one of the most difficult things he had ever done. The once happy home was in ruins. He had thought for a moment that they were all dead. He'd been relieved when he saw Hagrid holding Harry Harry was alive.

He'd gone to Hagrid, asked if he could take Harry, he was Harry's godfather after all. It was after Hagrid refused to give the baby up that everything had sunk in. Lily and James were dead. The only person who _could_ have betrayed them was their secret keeper, Peter Pettigrew. Sirius had come to this conclusion in a second, and knew that there was only one course left for him. He had to confront Peter, even if it meant giving up his life.

That was why he had given Hagrid his bike, the only thing that mattered at that point was finding and killing Peter. If he survived that confrontation there would be time enough to collect Harry and make sure the boy lived the life his parents would have wanted for him.

When Sirius had finally cornered Peter in London it became obvious that Peter had been expecting just that. He had started yelling about how _Sirius_ had betrayed Lily and James. He'd had the final punch too when he appareted himself out of the alley and killed all those Muggles. The Auror's who had arrested Sirius hadn't believed him that Peter was still alive. The chances of anyone ever believing him about that were slimmer than the moon when it was new.

The person who Sirius _had_ expected to believe him... the one person who shouldn't have doubted him... hadn't. Remus believed that Sirius had betrayed their friends. Even after all they'd been through, Remus hadn't believed that Sirius could have been framed. This belief in his guilt had been apparent when the werewolf had visited him in Azkaban.

Sirius changed into his Animagus form as the Dementors tired of their new today and began to spread around the prison. He curled up in a corner and wondered about his mother's reaction to the letter he had written. He half hoped that she would send Remus back to see him, back _to_ him. Even in his desire he realized that seeing Remus might be much much worse on him.

* * *

Remus inhaled the scent of Sirius off the letter. He hadn't read it, scared of what horrors it might hold for him, but the scent lingered. Azkaban had been as bad as he had feared. He was going to tell Mrs. Black that there was no way he was going to go again. It was too much, seeing Sirius there, even though he was guilty, was too much. Too painful, no one should live in that place, no matter what crimes they had committed.

He approached the Black House from the same place he had before. This time he was much better dressed, and better fed to boot. Leaving Mrs. Black's employ would change that again, but he couldn't, wouldn't go back to Azkaban.

The door was opened by the same House Elf Remus had seen previously. The Elf didn't eye him with quite the same suspicion, though he still waited until Remus produced the card summoning him before he stepped back and allowed the werewolf across the threshold.

Remus was lead back to the same parlor he had visited before, though when he was bid to enter Mrs. Black didn't wait for him to go through the pleasantries as he had before.

"You've seen my son," She stated. "I take it you bear a letter?"

"I do My Lady," Remus gave her a short bow before sitting down and handing her the letter. He was strangely reluctant to part with it.

Mrs. Black gave him a look that said she noticed his presumption in sitting down. "Wait for a reply if necessary."

Mrs. Black flipped the letter open and had barely read it before crumpling it. "That ungrateful mongrel!" She yelled.

Kreacher appeared in the room and gave Remus a reproving look. Remus merely shook his head, it hadn't been he who had upset the Mistress of the House.

"Kreacher!" Mrs. Black said narrowing her eyes at her House Elf. "Go and ready my writing desk for me!"

Kreacher gulped but disappeared to do has he was bid.

"You," Mrs. Black ground out as she turned on Remus. "You, will stay here until I have readied my reply to that man who was my son."

Remus stood up. "Actually," he drew in a breath. "I wanted to tell you that I won't go to Azkaban again."

Mrs. Black regarded him. "I can't make you go," she said simply. "However, you have all those household expenses that will pile up if you make the trip to Azkaban yourself."

"I just told you I wouldn't be making it anymore." Remus's brow creased.

"Don't you think that the Ministry would find it suspicious that one of Sirius Black's _good_ friends is not only a werewolf, but the only person to visit him?" Mrs. Black drawled. "Not even his family has done that much."

"You _asked_ me to go to him." Remus stressed.

"True," Mrs. Black smiled. "But who will the Ministry believe? You? A Werewolf? Or me? An upstanding member of the community."

Mrs. Black stood up and gave him a look. "You sit and have a little think about this, while I go write that letter."

Remus sat and watched her leave the room. He couldn't believe that he hadn't stood up more for himself. It was something that Sirius was always telling him to do. _'No,'_ he thought. _'It's something Sirius always _told _me to do.'_

Remus looked around the room, hoping something would catch his interest and not make the waiting into a trip down memory lane. His gaze fell on the crumpled letter that still lay on the floor, marring the perfect neatness of the house.

He didn't want to go back to Azkaban, he shouldn't have too. Mrs. Black was right though, Dumbledore talked a good talk, but Mrs. Black had been the only one to hire him knowing fully what he was. She was an upstanding member of the Wizarding community, she donated the right amounts to the right charities. She attended the right parties, knew the right people. Her word would be golden next to his.

Remus stood and crossed to Sirius's note. He leaned down and picked it up, he held it so that the smell of Sirius could reach his nose. Calmed by this familiar scent he returned to his seat. He played with the letter, tossing it from hand to hand. Just handling it, holding something of Sirius's. He supposed he should find out what happened to Sirius's stuff. Remus was pretty sure that Harry was Sirius's heir, but what did the Ministry do in cases such as Sirius's.

_'Not my watch,'_ Remus decided. The people to talk care of Harry's estate were Dumbledore and McGonagall. Dumbledore had decided where to place the boy, and had erected the protections currently in place. He had denied Remus the right to see Harry, telling him that it was for the best.

Remus uncrumpled the letter in his hand unconsciously. He looked down briefly, his eyes not really focusing on the note. A word came away in his mind though as he moved his gaze to the window on the other side of the parlor. This word made him lower his eyes again and pay more attention to the note.

The handwriting was poor, but then Remus would have expected that having seen the means Sirius's was reduced too. The sentiments were clear though, Sirius rejected whatever Mrs. Black had offered in her letter. The word that had caught Remus's eye was the word ashamed. It referred not to Sirius's own shame, but to the shame that Mrs. Black should be feeling at having misjudged her son. In a letter, a private letter to his mother, who would only applaud his deception, Sirius Black insisted on his innocence.

* * *

End Notes:

_I guess my meaning in my last End Note was somewhat mistaken when read. No, I am not saying that I am callously ending the story there, at the last chapter, or indeed at this chapter. Nor was I saying that my treatment of the characters was overly abusive. I was merely saying that I should not have let this story lie fallow for so long. My apologies._

_Please Review._


	6. Shadowing the Candle

The Wholeness of You  
Part Six: Shadowing the Candle

In contrast to his first visit to Azkaban, Remus nearly chuffed at the slow speed his escorts were taking. He understood the reluctance to meet with the guardians of Azkaban any sooner than absolutely necessary, but he had to get to Sirius. It was still inconceivable to him that Sirius might not have been the Potter's Secret Keeper. _'And if someone else _had _been chosen why didn't they tell me?'_ The answer was too painful for Remus to contemplate; the only reason they wouldn't have told him was if they suspected him of being a traitor.

An anger ran through him, anger at his friends who hadn't trusted him enough. Who did they think they were? What did they think they were?

"**_Dead,_" **the thought rang in his head. **_"All Dead."_**

The boat pulled up to the dock, one of the Auror's jumped out and secured it. Remus looked toward the senior Auror for his cue to get out. Finally the Auror nodded and the werewolf nearly ran up to the imposing gates.

"_One would think that he and Black were lovers the way he's acting,"_ one Auror whispered to another.

"_You have to wonder why he's the only one visiting,"_ agreed the other. _"Maybe the Ministry should see what our dear Mr. Lupin has to say for himself."_

Remus ignored them, he'd heard the whispers before, about him being friends with the Potters, and with Sirius. They weren't going to go away in an instant, he expected that they'd still be whispering about that years from now.

The front door to Azkaban prison opened to let the group inside. Dementors lined the hallway each eager for a chance to get at the fresh people. Remus gripped his wand tightly just in case one of the Dementors decided to get a little too close. _'The first time James, Sirius and Peter transformed for me.'_ He held his happy thoughts in the forefront of his mind. _'Frolicking through the Forbidden Forest with them.'_

The Auror's flanked him as they moved through the halls, the cell that Sirius occupied was in one of the innermost chambers, the ones facing the courtyard where Azkaban's sole source of water bubbled up in a spring.

Sirius looked just as he had last time, unwashed, and not entirely sane. He barely looked up when Remus was let into the room, and he didn't move from his spot.

"Sirius?" Remus sank to the ground next to him.

Sirius blinked at him, as if unsure of what the other man wanted.

"Sirius," Remus repeated. He reached out a hand to touch the other man but Sirius flinched.

Remus stared at Sirius for a couple of moments. The other man finally lifted his head and looked back at his friend. "Remus."

"Sirius," Remus sighed.

"Remus," it was Sirius who lifted his hand this time. Remus didn't move as the dirty hand ghosted over his face.

"Who was it?" Remus asked.

Sirius's face clouded. "What do you mean."

"Who _was_ the Potter's secret Keeper?" Remus demanded.

"Remus," Sirius breathed again. Remus managed to keep a straight face as Sirius's fingers clenched down on his arm. "Peter."

"Why?" Remus whispered the question.

"Because I was the obvious choice." Sirius murmured. "Who would go after anyone else if I was there. Everyone knew how close I was to Lily and James. I'm Harry's Godfather."

"And who would think of Peter with such an obvious target staring them straight in the face." Remus nodded.

"I'm sorry," Sirius threw Remus's arm away from himself in a surprising show of strength.

"Sorry for what?" A cold chill set in again, what was Sirius about to confess to?

"Sorry for doubting you," Sirius burrowed his head in his hands.

Remus stood up, unsure of how to comfort the prisoner. The frail body was wracked with sobs. Finally he placed a hand on Sirius's head and ran it through the oily hair. A rattling of the door's grate recalled them both to the fleeting nature of Remus's visit.

"I'll be back," he whispered as he walked out the door.

He gave another look behind him as he was lead away, Sirius's sobs hadn't stopped.

* * *

It wasn't until the Dementors began to gather around his cell again, that Sirius was able to control himself enough to shift into his Animagus form. Remus was looking better than he had during his previous visit. At least his mother was paying him some good wages, the boy had never eaten enough. 

'_Why couldn't I trust him?'_ It wasn't the first time Sirius had ever asked himself that question. It was one of those that kept filtering it's way into his mind. _'If only I hadn't trusted Peter, if only I had been their secret keeper, if only...'_

It was a memory of James's mother that brought this line of thought to a halt, she hadn't been one to list 'if onlys' and she wasn't one to allow others to start listing them either. **_"If only changes nothing."_**

Sirius could attest to that. Here he sat in one of the most darkest places on the face of the earth, and he had spent countless hours going over the 'might have beens' and nothing had changed. Very few people were allowed out of Azkaban, and only a very minute group of those were unaffected. Even if by some miracle he got out of this hell hole, Sirius was sure that the Dementors would follow him for the rest of his life. Possibly not physically, but in his thoughts and his dreams. They took up residence inside of your soul, and they never let go.

He turned the latest missive from his mother over in his hands. One good thing came from his mother's attempts at reconciliation, Sirius got to see Remus again. It had hurt at first, he had seen the accusations and disbelief in the other's gaze. This time had been different though, Remus had appeared to believe him.

End Notes: This is shorter, I make no apologies.


End file.
